ACDM
by Titan Nerd 68
Summary: Go to the Titan Nerd Stadium to see bloodbaths galore!
1. Premiere with the Cowards

**ACDM**

The only characters in this series that I own are Charles, Justin, Will, Greg, and CJ, as well as other original characters that may or may not appear later. At least pretend to enjoy. 

* * *

Fight 1: Premier with the Cowards

Charles- Welcome to the arena, folks, because we are here to bring you one of the greatest things to ever hit YouTube. We hope you enjoy anime and the real Celebrity Deathmatch, because we've rolled both into one hell of a bloodbath. My name is Charles and I'm the main commentator. To my right is my partner, Justin.

Justin- I'm Justin, and I'm Charles's assistant. We split everything in this business 50/50.

Charles _(quietish)_- No, we don't. It's 60/40, and I get the 60. _(normal voice) _Down at ringside is our referee, Will.

Will- I'm makin' the calls in these fights. I'm enforcin' the rules. Don't argue with me.

Charles- And lastly, Greg, the interviewer person guy, who nobody cares about.

Greg- That's not true. Everyone cares about Greg.

Justin- Not everyone is Greg.

Greg- Shut up, fool.

Charles- Greg, Justin, why don't you two stop arguing so Greg can do his job?

Greg- Kicking Justin's ass?

Charles- No, Greg, the interviews. Aren't you down there with our combatants?

Greg- Unfortunately, I have to be here with both of them. Luigi, do you think you have what it takes to beat Usopp in a fight to the death?

Luigi- A-yes-a, I-a do-a have-a what it takes-a to-a beat-a Usopp-a.

Usopp- Dream on, you loser. There's no way I'm gonna lose to some idiot who bastardizes the English language like that.

Luigi- Oh yeah-a? We'll-a see-a.

_(cut to ring)_

Will- All right, you guys, the rules have been clearly explained to you both.

Usopp- No, they haven't.

Will- The rules haven't been explained? Fine, if you insist. The two of you have entered the ring, and either one of you or neither of you will leave it alive. Got it? Now get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!

Usopp- There's no way I'll lose to this guy. _(punches Luigi in the nose) _That's one to your fat schnozz. _(punches Luigi in the gut) _There's a good, hard gut shot for ya. _(kicks Luigi in the crotch)_ And that should be enough to let you know that there is no way you'll win this fight.

Charles- And Luigi takes that heavy beating right off the bat. It looks like this fight may be over sooner than we expected.

Justin- It'll graduate to a standoff eventually, you know.

Charles- Why do you say that, Justin?

Justin- There's a reason we called this fight the 'Premiere with the Cowards'.

Charles- Are you saying that they'll be too afraid to attack each other?

Justin- No, Usopp's already attacked Luigi, and he's beating the crap out of him. _(shot of Usopp pummeling Luigi) _You know how Usopp's a bigger coward than Luigi.

_(back down to ringside. Usopp stops attacking Luigi and hears the commentary)_

Usopp- I, a coward? I think not, for a cowardly man would not be known as Captain Usopp, ruler of the Seven Seas, and the leader of four thousand men.

Luigi- F-four thousand-a men? You lie-a!

Usopp- I am not a liar. And those four thousand men are behind me in the stadium, ready to fight on my command.

Luigi _(backs into corner and cowers)-_ I can't-a win against-a that many-a.

Usopp- This is easier than playing poker with Luffy. _(whacks Luigi with his hammer)_

Charles _(wincing)_- Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Justin- That looks like it hurt more than when Daisy dumped Luigi for Toad.

Charles- Daisy's dating Toad?

Justin- According to a respected Mushroom Kingdom magazine.

Charles- Hold on there, Justin! It appears that Usopp has Luigi cornered and is about to give the final blow with his 4 kg Usopp Pound!

Justin- Give Usopp a bit more credit than that. It clearly says on the hammer's head that it weighs five tons. Don't you know anything of the metric system?

Usopp- It's been sweeter than a pie baked by Sanji. Get ready, motherfucker, 'cause this is gonna hurt! (_Usopp draws back and prepares to strike_)

Luigi- Ahhhhhhhhhhh-wawawawawawawa! (_punches Usopp through the head. Usopp's brain flies out the back and hits the mat_)

Justin- Holy crap! Luigi just turned it around for himself!

Charles- You were right, it has become a standoff, except Usopp is lying on the ground.

Justin- That's because Luigi just killed him.

Charles- Oh.

Will- We've got a winner. Go collect your prize money and buzz off.

* * *

Anything like the others? Good? Bad? Godawful? If you want more, I've got them. I haven't worked on this in a while, though.


	2. Flab Battle

**ACDM**

The only characters in this series that I own are Charles, Justin, Will, Greg, and CJ, as well as other original characters that may or may not appear later. I'm also doing this in a new style, because a suggestion (thanks, Shad) confirmed my theory that this would probably flow better written like this. Here's the second fight. Strap in! Oh, and pardon one contestant's accent.

* * *

Fight 2: Flab Battle

"It's another freakin' wonderful day for DeathMatch!" Charles said excitedly. "Welcome back to Titan Nerd Stadium, folks, because ACDM has lasted another day!"

"And today is a special day, too," said Justin. "We have a new employee. Welcome, CJ."

"I applied for the job and got it," CJ said. "I'm now on board as the janitor, and I can't wait to start cleaning the stadium."

Charles looked at the new employee strangely. "We have machines to clean the stadium after hours," he said. "Once our scientists remove the solid remains of any corpses in the ring, your job is to clean up the blood, vomit, urine, or whatever liquid remains of contestants there are and sterilize the ring canvas so that it can be clean for the next fight."

"That wasn't in the job description," CJ said to himself.

"Back to tonight's event," said Justin, "There is a reason our in-stadium audience has been provided with seatbelts, which are expected to be used well."

"He's right," said Charles, "Because Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Wario, Fat Bastard, Marvin Tikvah, and Akimichi Chouji are in the ring, and the gravity's gonna get powerful."

"Wait, we have a fight between six gravity manipulators?" asked Justin. "This could be trouble."

"How much trouble can we have from six planets?" Charles joked.

"I still don't get it."

"He means they're all fat-asses, dumb-ass," said Greg.

"Really?" asked Charles. "Huh. Wow. I thought it was a little strange when they added a dwarf planet to the cast of _Naruto_."

"Really, Charles," said Greg. "You should pay attention to the obvious, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't look so stupid."

"Fuck you, too, Greg. I'm up here doing my job. You're down there, so shouldn't you be doing your job?"

"I am doing my job," said Greg as he turned back to the camera. "I'm here with Marvin Tikvah and Wario. Mr. Tikvah, why did you put your name in to fight?"

"I came here," said Marvin, "Because I wanted to prove something to Shelley."

"And that is?"

"Directing pornos is not the only way I waste my time," Marvin answered with a laugh. "The fight's going to start soon, so I'm going to go masturbate until my testicles fall off. But I'll have to find them first."

"Very interesting," Greg mumbled. "Wario, is there anything you'd like to...holy shit, did you just rip one right here?"

"Wahahahaaaaaah!"

"You're a sick, fat bastard!"

"No, ah'm the fat bastard!" shouted a familiar Scottish accent, followed by a shake.

"Are we having another earthquake?" Justin asked as he dove under his desk in the booth.

"No," said Charles. "It's just Fat Bastard."

"Which one?" asked Justin. "There's six. Be more specific."

"There are six fat bastards here," said Charles. "Only one of them is simply known as Fat Bastard."

"Hlisten up, yuu'all!" shouted the Scotsman. "Ah am. The fat bastard! That's mah name, don't wear it ouut!"

"Aaaahhhh, shaddup, you freak!" said Wario. He pulled a clove of garlic from his hat and ate it. "You'll nevah defeat Wario!"

"Ah'm gonna kill yeu, ya garlic eatin' son-of-a-bitch!"

"Can't you just feel the love between these two?" asked Greg. "It appears Marvin is finished and the others are here, so everyone to the ring."

_Cut to ringside_

"Listen up, you fat-asses!" Will shouted. "If you look at what the camera's wide-angle lens is showing, I can't see past Wario and Peter. What that means is that this ring can't support the weight of all of you, and I'm being overcome slowly by your farts. Did everyone use the bathroom before they came here?"

"And I remembered to use toilet paper this time!" Chouji said excitedly.

"That's very nice," said Will. "Start fighting once I find a way to break out of Peter's gravitational pull!"

"Oh, so I'm fat now, is that it?" Peter asked, sounding annoyed.

"That's why we called you here."

"Well, if you think that I'm going to let that insult go to my head, you, sir, are more mistaken than Kevin Nealon when he tried to..."

"I'm saying it now, Griffin. I don't want to see a single flashback. Now move so I can get out of here."

"I can't move," said Peter.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm stuck here." Peter tried to move his arm, but being trapped between Homer Simpson and Fat Bastard does not make for easy movement.

"Wow, an ugly piece of crap between the donut man, and the guy who smells like he could use a crap," said Chouji. "I should have brought my camera."

"That's it, boy!" said Peter. "Your butt is mine, which I don't mean in the Michael Jackson way. I mean it to say I'm bad! I'm bad! Shamon!"

"I will now leave the ring," Will muttered as he finally broke out of Peter's field and walked off.

"That has got to be the worst Michael Jackson attempt I have ever seen," said Charles. "Except for the actual Bad video."

"It was a bad video, wasn't it?" asked Justin.

"This is my lucky day," Wario laughed as he tripped Chouji, proceeding to kick him in the ass. "This might hurt a little!" He wedgied Chouji before turning him around to fart in his face. "Wahahahaaah!"

"I think another man has just violated me," said Chouji. "One who isn't Kiba, so I will have to fix that." He punched Wario in the gut before kicking him in the balls. "Now pray for the mercy of Akimichi Chouji!" he shouted with a headbutt. But while concentrating on Wario, Chouji didn't see Homer sneak up and kick him in the ass.

"Hehhehheh!" Homer laughed. "Kids these days are just slowly growing stupider than me all the time. Oh, I just said that out loud. D'oh!"

"Not smart to turn your back, Simpson," said Peter. "You and I. We're the two fattest FOX dads on the air right now. You and I. Our shows are exactly the same, but yours is truly a family show, unlike _Family Guy, _which stars me, Peter Griffin. Heaheaheahea!"

"Special dehl-ivery!" shouted Fat Bastard. "Fer one Wario!"

"That's me," Wario said as he greedily snatched the box from FB. "Get in mah belly? What the hell is...?"

_cut to booth_

"And it looks like Wario's sentence has been rudely interrupted by Fat Bastard eating him!" Charles called. "And the sight of it is just awful!"

"I never did like gay porn," Justin said.

"I mean Fat Bastard has just swallowed all of Wario!"

"That's gross. Wario can find plenty of girls at WarioWare to suck him off. He doesn't have to come in to your stadium and ask a man to suck him off."

"Look at the ring, Justin."

"Why? It's just...oh, Fat Bastard ate Wario and now he's gone because he got in Fat Bastard's belly. I see it now."

"Some people can be hard to work with," Charles almost grumbled.

_back to the ring_

"I bet I can make Peter get out of this fight," said Marvin.

"Oh, yeah?" asked Peter. "Then bring it on. I can fight that big chicken, I can fight...oh, crap on a stick, he's here. No, that's just Chris's pet monkey."

_Evil Monkey gives Peter a thumbs up, then points up at the booth_

_cut to booth_

"Why's the monkey pointing up here?" asked Justin.

"I don't know," said Charles. "Maybe it hates one of us."

"It must hate one of us," said Justin. "It's burning a picture of you."

_back to ring_

"With Peter out of the picture thanks to that random heart attack," said Chouji, "Now I can reign over this battle."

"Dream on, you little loser!" shouted Homer. He body-slammed Chouji before opening his head. "Hey, no fair! Yours bigger than mine, and I'm a grown man who's been on TV for eighteen years!"

"You know size doesn't always matter, Homer," said Marvin as he tried to get out of Fat Bastard's chokehold. "It's how it's used. But bigger is...oh, you were talking about brains. I thought you meant penises."

"Mmmmm, brain," said Homer as he licked his lips and pulled off Chouji's arm. "Now for the rest of the fight."

"Truce?" asked Marvin.

"Truce," agreed Fat Bastard. He ran in as fast as his stumpy legs could carry his enormous body, tripping and falling.

_cut to booth_

"Wow, it's King Dedede!" said Charles excitedly. "I've always wanted to meet him so I could ask him to do his Big Gay Dance here for our viewers. That would boost numbers substantially."

"That's just Fat Bastard," said Justin.

"Really? Damn, I'd really liked it to have been King Dedede."

"If you keep joking like this, Charles, people might think you're gay."

"I'll have you know, Justin, that I have a very hot girlfriend. You've met her."

"I have, but that's not the point."

_back to ring_

"Prepare to die!" Marvin shouted as he climbed the ropes. "As soon as I can get on these ropes without them sagging on me like my first wife's boobs." He jumped and landed on Homer, pounding him into the ground.

"Truce off!" Fat Bastard laughed as he fell and rolled into Marvin.

"C'mon, fatty!" Marvin challenged. He took off his shirt.

_cut to booth_

"We may run into trouble with the censors here, Charles," said Justin. "Marvin and Bastard have decided to flash their man boobs like it's Spring Break or something. What should we do? Charles?"

"Huh, what?" Charles asked suddenly. "I think I fell asleep again."

"You did fall asleep again."

"Sorry."

_back to ring_

"Ah used'ta sumo!" said Fat Bastard. "Yer'a sumo featherweight!" He grabbed Marvin's balls and lifted him into the air before throwing him into a row of cheering fans. "That'll teach'ya!"

"C'mon!" Marvin said tiredly. "You're just a fat sack of shit." He grabbed a spectator's pocket knife and concealed it carefully in his belly fat. "I say we settle this the way us fat people do normally."

"Ya wanna belly joust, ya got it," screamed Fat Bastard as he charged. Marvin ran towards him and both men pushed out their guts. Fat Bastard stopped as he felt something sharp poking him, then he realized that he had been stabbed.

"And there's more," said Marvin. He twisted the knife and cut open Fat Bastard's ample stomach, making sure to reach in and pull out Wario's remains to snap his neck and insure a victory.

"We have a winner!" shouted Will as he raised Marvin's hand in victory. "CJ! Get over here and clean this up! But wait for the science crew!"

"And that's tonight's fight," said Charles. "Tune in tomorrow night, when we'll have a new fight, new combatants, and maybe news of more from Titan Nerd Productions. Till then, this was ACDM, I'm Charles Tolle, and blood is the source of life and death."

* * *

How'd'ja like it? Better? Worse? The same? If you like Spirit Pressure, wait for Fight 3!


	3. Spirit Pressure

Here's Spirit Pressure! Why is this the title? Read the damn fight and see!

* * *

"Welcome to the third day of the DeathMatch!" shouted an excited Charles Tolle. "Today is everyone else's day off, so I'm handling all of the duties here at my own stadium. Anyway, I'm here in the announcer's booth like I am normally to tell you about today's fight. Today's fight is Spirit Pressure 1. I say that with the confidence that there will be multiple fights in this series. Anyway, let's meet the two contestants. But first, a little profile on each one from my research. Kurosaki Ichigo, the main character of the hit series _Bleach_ is here tonight, and he will be fighting as a shinigami. However, because I don't want to jump too far into the series, we have prevented him from using Bankai. For those of you wondering how we did this, I will say that it is not easy to shave another man's pubic hair while you're simultaneously giving him a blowjob so he doesn't notice." Charles paused to rinse his mouth with some Listerine. He swished, gargled, then spat. "And no, that's not how the blowjob went. You're not supposed to swallow. Listerine I meant. Uh, yeah, so Ichigo's from Bleach, he's not allowed to use Bankai, and his opponent is Urameshi Yusuke. Yusuke is the main character of _Yuyu Hakusho_, which was about detectives or ghosts, or something like that. I only watched when I heard that one of my friends had a role on the show. He was a student. I had a better role. I was a demon. Yeah, so we banned Yusuke from turning demon on everyone. It's not easy shaving another man's pubic hair while playing with his balls to keep him distracted." Charles paused again to apply Purell to his hands. "That way, the two contestants can fight somewhat fairly, and I don't have to keep up with as much. Yes, I'm another lazy wildman. Deal with it. Let's now look at the standings on these two. Ichigo uses a sword, Yusuke has a hand gun, so Ichigo wins one. Ichigo has cool hair, and Yusuke has stupid hair, so Ichigo wins two. And Ichigo has a bunch of kick-ass friends from the modern manga world, while Yusuke is another pathetic guy from the early nineties, so Ichigo wins three. The odds are in the favor of Ichigo to win this fight. We now go down to Greg, who is standing with our two contestants." Charles then realized that it was Greg's day off.

"Sometimes I hate these days," Charles groaned as he went down to talk to the contestants. "I'm Charles, and I'm standing with the two contestants for tonight. Ichigo, Yusuke, you two are very similar. You're both tough-ass high-school punks who get into fights and have jobs that take you between the worlds of life and death. Is there anything you two want to say?"

"There is something I want to say," said Yusuke. "Ichigo and I have decided to collaborate _Bleach _and _Yuyu Hakusho _into one special TV movie called _Yuyu Bleach_."

"That title doesn't quite make sense."

"Maybe not entirely," said Ichigo, "But that's what we decided on. And that's also why we came here tonight. To advertise our movie."

"I invited the two of you here to fight," Charles said. "The two of you are supposed to fight to the death."

"Fighting is something we can do on our own time," said Yusuke. "C'mon, Ichigo, let's leave this guy and go start writing our movie."

"Yeah, let's," said Ichigo. "What a freak."

Charles was surprised. But he knew what the people in the stadium wanted and what the people watching his YouTube show wanted. He pulled out his universal remote and hit a button.

"After Meta Knight took me on a ride on the Halberd, I saw this and built one for the stadium," Charles said.

"You built a Twin Cannon?" asked Ichigo.

"No, dummy, I built a giant extendable claw. I was also going to build a Heavy Lobster, but those bastards at Capcom took it for Megaman X 11. I can't wait for Nintendo to kill them." The claw dropped the two contestants into the ring and a cage formed around them. "Now there's no escape. The cage will open when one or both of you is dead. So you can fight to the death."

"Never," the two teens said angrily.

"Or one of you can be the better man and kill himself. Ichigo already has his own sword and Yusuke always packs a gun. Your choice."

"Fuck you," said Ichigo. "That's my choice."

"Same here," said Yusuke. "Now then, let's give you a synopsis of _Yuyu Bleach_. It starts with me and Keiko looking for Ichigo and Rukia because we need to inquire the Soul Society for help with a massive Hollow Demon problem."

"Sounds like you're trying to hard," said Charles. He pulled a lever and a gas spilled into the cage, then quickly disappeared. "This gas will make the two of them think they've left the stadium and they're going to rehearse a fight scene from the movie until one of them is dead. The fight scene is between Yusuke and Ichigo and completely improvised. Quiet on the set, aaaaand ACTION!"

"Meet your doom, Kurosaki," Yusuke challenged. "Only one of us will leave this cage alive, and I hope it's me, because I know that if you kicked my ass, I wouldn't be able to sit down for a while."

"Sort of like now?" Ichigo asked as he did the unthinkable. Out came Zangetsu (the blade) and up it went. Up Yusuke's ass, that is.

"That's gotta hurt," Charles whispered to the audience. "Let's put another melee weapon in the ring and see what will happen." He hit a button and a random weapon dropped. "Well, I was hoping it wouldn't be this one, but oh, well. Let's see what happens."

"That hurts my ass," said Yusuke, "But I know I might go to prison, and if that happens, I'll be ready. But I'm ready for this fight with this!" He held up the dildo that fell into the ring.

"Yusuke, you're not acting sincerely enough," said Ichigo. "I'm told that I'm a great actor because I know how to get into my character. You need to get into character more. Observe." He held his sword carefully. "I will now cut down everything in here that distracts me from the character of Ichigo Satoshi Kurosaki. Kyaaa!"

"And it looks like Ichigo's got Yusuke on the run!" Charles called as Ichigo charged and chased Yusuke around, hacking up the mat. "That mat's gonna be hell to repair in a day, though."

"Wait, wait, wait," said Yusuke. He stopped and held up the dildo. Ichigo stopped and followed the fake organ with his eyes. "Oh, you like? You like?"

"I like," Ichigo moaned. He sounded hypnotized, and Yusuke realized that Ichigo must have had a thing for dildos. He dropped his pants and bent over.

"You want to put your pants sword in here, you can!" Yusuke said with an evil grin.

"I might have to intervene," Charles said. He watched as Yusuke jumped up onto Ichigo's face and slammed him into the ground. "Never mind. I like it when someone has his face sat on. By a woman, I meant. The scene in the ring here, it's just, you know. Yuck."

"Ya like my ass?" asked Yusuke. "You like? You like?"

"Get off me!" Ichigo shouted. He grabbed Yusuke's cock and yanked, resulting in a quick cry of pain from the spirit detective. Ichigo yanked again, then slipped out from under Yusuke and pounded the back of his head. "So, you like porn, eh? Fine!" He reached into his shihakusho and pulled out a vibrator. He jammed it in Yusuke's nose and turned it on. "And there's more!" He stuck another vibrator in Yusuke's other nostril, and another in each ear. "Now I'll come up with a fast strategy to defeat him."

"Hey, Kurosaki!" shouted Yusuke. "Think fast!" Ichigo turned and found himself shot through the hand with Yusuke's Rei Gun. "What'cha got ta say now, punk?"

"I've got to say this!" said Ichigo. He put his sword down. "You're a punk in your series, I'm a punk in the beginning of mine. Let's do this mano a mano!"

"No, weapons are good," said Yusuke. He pulled out the dildo and charged forward, jamming it into Ichigo's mouth and down his throat before ripping it out and slapping him twice with it.

"I don't know if I like where this fight is going," Charles mumbled. "I like to run a family environment at my stadium." Someone threw a beer can at him. "Oh, fuck you, cocksucker!" he shouted into the audience.

"This is how we did things in the nineties, bitch!" Yusuke said as he clobbered Ichigo and sent him into the ropes. He took the downed blade and planted it in the mat, tip up. Ichigo ran towards Yusuke and tackled him, pinning him to the mat, their faces inches apart.

"This is how we do things now, bitch," Ichigo seductively whispered as he licked the side of Yusuke's face.

"My manhood!" Yusuke screamed as he kicked Ichigo way up high. Ichigo hit the top of the cage hard, then fell straight down, landing belly-first on his own blade.

"We have a winner!" Charles shouted. He took down the cage and climbed into the ring. "Congrats, Mr. Urameshi. You've won it."

"I did win," said Yusuke. "I'd like to thank my mom, my girlfriend, and my new bud Ichigo for helping me direct this movie...wait a minute. Ichigo's dead!"

"And you killed him," said Charles. "Here's your check, and that's all for Titan Nerd Productions tonight, so you can go home now. We'll call you when we need you for something."

"I killed a man," Yusuke said to himself as he left the ring. "I actually killed a man."

"That's all we have for tonight. This was ACDM, I'm Charles Tolle, and tomorrow, everyone's a loser!"

* * *

Yeah, I know, this fight was very disgusting. Sorry. I don't think I'll do another fight like this. But I hope you enjoyed. And the next one will be better.


	4. Loser Fight

Here's the Loser Fight. But one loser will win it.

* * *

"It's a great day for a bloodbath," said Charles. "And ACDM will provide yet another one. We have two total losers going at it in the ring."

"That we do," said Justin. "We have Luigi and Uzumaki Naruto taking each other on in a battle royale."

"No, they're just going to beat the shit out of each other," said Charles. "A battle royale is something graceful like a swan. This motherfuckin' deathmatch!"

"That's true," said Justin. "Let's go down to Greg."

"Justin, Charles," said Greg, "I'm here with..."

"Hold it, Greg," said Charles. "You just violated your terms of contract. If you want me to forgive you, you'll try it again."

"Sorry," Greg said sarcastically. "Charles, Justin, I'm here with Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto, Luigi has a winning record so far. Does that scare you at all?"

"Hell no!" shouted Naruto. He grabbed the microphone and looked at the camera. "I'm Uzumaki fuckin' Naruto! I'm gonna win every deathmatch I'm in! Believe it! I ain't scared of you motherfuckers!"

"Thank you for ruining that great line," said Charles. "Go to the ring. Will's waiting for you."

Naruto walked toward the ring. He made sure he flipped the bird at the camera before jumping into the ring.

"We have a little problem," said CJ. He ran to the booth. "The problem is that Luigi hasn't finished fixing the pipes in the bathrooms."

"Gee, CJ," said Justin. "I always thought that was why Charles hired you."

"I hired him to clean the mat after fights," said Charles. "I hired _you_ to fix problems in the bathroom."

"No, you didn't."

"If I may read the main part of our contract, Justin, 'I, Charles Tolle, have hired Justin Andol to not only help with announcing ACDM (Anime Celebrity DeathMatch), but also host shows if asked, do any work relating to the bathrooms, make sure the formaldehyde supply does not run low...' Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"Yes," said Justin. "I think you're trying to get rid of me."

"No, if that were the case, I'd have fired you a long time ago."

"You've only had me for two weeks."

"Okay, then I'd've never hired you in the first place. Go to the bathroom and fix the damn pipes. It's your job. CJ, you're second commentator for this fight. But once it's over, you have to clean up any messes."

"I have good news," said Will. "Luigi is here and ready to fight."

"What's wrong, you coward?" yelled Naruto. "Think you'll get your pussy-ass beaten, so you hid in the bathroom?"

"I-a was feexing da pipes," said Luigi calmly, yet still shakily as he entered the ring.

"And what the fuck is up with that stupid accent?" Naruto asked. "Real Italians don't sound like you!"

"So-a?" asked Luigi. "I-a can still kick your candy-ass-a."

"Glad to hear it," said Will. "You two know the rules. There aren't any. Now get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!"

"And Naruto draws first blood!" CJ called as Naruto stuck a kunai knife into Luigi's chest.

"I'm supposed to make the first call," Charles hinted. "And Naruto draws first blood! But it appears he's missed Luigi's vital organs!"

"I'm gonna kick your fat plumber ass!" Naruto shouted as he grabbed Luigi and slammed him to the ground.

"Luigi's taking another hard beating," Charles said. "Will this be the end of his winning record?"

"It's early in the fight," said CJ.

"Shut up."

Naruto put Luigi in a headlock, but broke it when Luigi swung his foot back and kicked him in the balls. Luigi then reached down and grabbed his plunger. "Ohohohohohohoh, you gonna be Weegied!"

"What did he say?" asked CJ.

"No idea," said Charles.

"Is that even fucking English?" Naruto asked before he got a plunger through his gut.

"Suck on that-a!" Luigi said as he jumped back. "Wah! Wah! Waaaaah!" He released a bunch of his signature green fireballs.

"You stole that from Sasuke, you knock-off!" Naruto shouted.

"Does he ever quiet down?" asked CJ.

"No, I think Naruto has three volumes," said Charles, "Silent, loud, and Mariah Carey-screech-but-at-a-level-on-which-you-can-tell-his-balls-haven't-dropped-and-probably-never-will."

"I heard that, you douchebags!" Naruto shouted at the booth. Luigi ran up to him and tried to punch, but Naruto disappeared as he did that.

"Thought you could hit me with a Weegi Brain Punch," the real Naruto said proudly. "Well, I dodged it! So there! I'm gonna kick your fucking ass! Believe it!" He kicked Luigi in the balls. "And I'm returning a favor!"

"Oooooooowwwwwowowowowowowowowow!" Luigi shouted. Naruto made a few clones, then launched into it.

"U!"

"Zu!"

"Ma!"

"Ki!"

"Naruto Rendan!" Luigi fell to the ground hard. "Suck on that one, pipe boy!"

"Let's see, I think Luigi's older than Naruto," said Charles. "So to Naruto, he's pipe man."

"You fight-a well," Luigi said. "But Weegi will go now. Go, Weegi!" He pulled out a mushroom and ate it. Naruto watched in horror as Luigi's balls shrank and his muscles bulged. He stood up and grabbed one of Naruto's arms. "Now we'll see whose pussy-ass gets beaten," Luigi said in a voice that was still his, but without the corny-ass accent. He squeezed the arm and a loud snapping sound was heard. "I hope you don't masturbate with that hand." He snapped the other arm.

"Okay, I give!" Naruto shouted. "I surrender! Will, stop this!"

"I can't stop until one or both of you is dead," said Will. "Luigi, finish him!"

"Gladly," said Luigi. He hit Naruto with a spin kick and cut him in half. Naruto's top half fell to the mat as Luigi went back to normal.

"We have a winner!" Will shouted. "Luigi!"

"What a great fight!" Charles said excitedly. "That was so exciting my dick got hard. CJ, go clean the mat."

"Fuck you," CJ said as he went down to the mat.

"Tomorrow will have another fight just like this one, so tune in," Charles reminded the fans. "This was ACDM, I'm Charles Tolle, and good night."

* * *

Yes, I know the way I write everything shows how everything is written out of order. I suppose someday the order will restore, but not today. Hope you enjoyed, fight fans! Spirit Pressure 2 is the next fight!


	5. Spirit Pressure 2

Here's Spirit Pressure 2. Sorry it took so long for an update. School just started, and ACDM isn't pre-prepared like Anime Jeopardy. As usual, I don't own the combatants.

* * *

"Time for it!" Justin said excitedly. "We have Spirit Pressure 2! For those of you who are wondering, Charles isn't here because he is out recruiting new people to work in the stadium, so CJ is playing my part while I play Charles. Today's fight, as I said is Spirit Pressure 2."

"Aptly named," said CJ, "Because we're bringing back Kurosaki Ichigo with our ACDM Time Machine, built for us by Mr. Toriyama Akira. Thank you, Akira."

"No problem," said Akira. "I built it myself at home in less than a week."

"And Ichigo is here!" Greg shouted from below. The door opened and Ichigo stepped out. "Welcome back, Mr. Kurosaki. How's your mom?"

"My mom's not really dead," said Ichigo. "And for those of you who wonder what the afterlife is like, all I have to say is damn."

"You went to hell, didn't you?" Greg asked.

"Don't rub it in," said Ichigo. "Some people on the other side aren't fans because my creator supposedly ripped off the main guy's creator's creation with _Zombie Powder_."

"So you're saying that _Yuyu Hakusho _has the closest actual depiction of the Underworld?"

"And if Yusuke's watching this," said Ichigo, ignoring Greg, "He can go to hell and suck Satan's dick." He flipped the bird. "Who am I fighting?"

"Me," said a voice from the ring. "You showed up, and I went through my entire playlist. Okay, Amidamaru, let's do this."

"Lord Yoh, I am not sure if I want you to fight in this so-called battle to the death," said the samurai ghost. "You could die."

"I owe Horohoro money," said Yoh. "I should win enough here to reimburse him."

"Horohoro owes you money."

"Really? Oh, yeah. Well, I can still win money."

"I have to go against that laid-back pussy from that piece of shit _Shaman King_?" Ichigo asked in disbelief. "You assholes brought me back to life for that?"

"They did," said Yoh. "Before we begin, I'd like to say that I'm a fan."

"The feeling is not mutual," said Ichigo as he drew his zanpaku-to and climbed into the ring. "I hope that I kill you."

"Glad to hear it," said Will. "Get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!"

The bell sounded and as Yoh began to form his oversoul, Ichigo grabbed him and headbutted him. "I came back from the fucking dead for this? I should die again."

"You will die again," said Yoh. "Watch this." He finished forming his oversoul and pointed his sword at Ichigo.

"I'll have to do it, then," said Ichigo. "Bankai!" Nothing happened. "Bankai!" Nothing. "Motherfucking Bankai!!" Nothing. "Shit! My pubes haven't grown back yet!"

"Did I miss something earlier?" asked Justin.

"You're asking me," CJ answered.

"Time for a little pain," said Yoh. "I have Faust to thank for teaching me how to torture a person." He put Harusame through Ichigo's stomach and kicked him upside the head. Yoh pulled out his sword and waited patiently.

"I suggest you finish him now, Lord Yoh," said Amidamaru with glee. "It's an easy task, and you'll win money."

"That wouldn't be fair when he's on the ground and unable to defend himself," said Yoh. Ichigo got up and snuck around him. "I know that this isn't supposed to be fair, but I like to be fair."

"We pay people to kill," said Will, "Not to stand around like self-righteous pussies."

"He's right," said Ichigo. He impaled Yoh through the back. "What do you have to say now?"

"Ouch," said Yoh. He looked at his wound. "The blood might not come out of this costume. Shit, that means Anna might kill me!"

"I hope the bitch does kill you," said Ichigo. He pulled out his sword and kicked Yoh's wound. "I'll laugh my ass off if she does."

"I think I would, too," said Amidamaru. "That does sound funny."

"Et tu, Amidamaru," said Yoh. "I'm going to end this." He punched Ichigo in the gut, then again across the face. He lifted his sword and cut down the front of Ichigo's chest, only splitting the skin. He reached in and grabbed something. "Thought so." He stuck his head in through the wound and pulled it back with something in Ichigo's mouth.

"Oh, that's why I have a bad heart," Ichigo noticed as Yoh ripped it from the attached blood vessels and swallowed it. "I wonder how long a man can live without his..."

"We have a winner!" Will shouted. He raised Yoh's arm in victory as Ichigo fell to the floor.

"My job," said CJ. He left the booth and started cleaning the blood off the mat.

"I have a question for you, Yoh," said Greg. "Why did you suddenly decide to end the battle?"

"There's a Soul Bob concert on TV in twenty minutes, and I live fifteen minutes away from here," said Yoh, causing Greg to crash.

"Well, you heard it here," said Greg. "I think that's all the time we have for now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Charles asked as he walked into the booth. "The fight's just...ended. Yoh killed Ichigo."

"You just missed a big fight, Charles," said Justin. "How'd you do it?"

"I leave to take a crap, and you start the show without me," said Charles. "Why haven't I fired any of you yet?"

"Because we haven't made your life miserable," said Justin.

"That's true, you haven't," said Charles. "Oh, well. Tune in tomorrow."

* * *

Remember, this is pre Anime Jeopardy, so they haven't made Charles's life miserable. Yet.


	6. Pure Weirdoes

This fight is called Pure Weirdoes. It will be freaky as hell, given the combatants. I only own the Titan Nerd Studio employees.

* * *

"Welcome to the sixth ACDM battle bonanza!" Charles shouted. "I'm so excited tonight not only from currently being high as hell, but also from who our combatants are for Pure Weirdoes!"

"Bo-Bobo and Mr. 2 Bon Clay are two of the weirdest people the anime world has ever seen," said Justin. "Down in the ring, Conlan has decided to give us the stats for each combatant."

"It's CJ," said Conlan.

"Then make up your mind," said Charles. "Fuck that, just give us the stats."

"Whatever," said Conlan. "Bo-Bobo has a big blond afro, and Mr. 2 has a stupid-ass bowl cut, giving Bo-bobo one edge. Bo-bobo wears stupid-ass sunglasses, but Mr. 2 wears mascara, giving Bo-bobo another edge. Mr. 2 is gay, but could also be Ms. 2, and Bo-Bobo is possibly gay, so I think that gives him an edge."

"So Bo-Bobo's the favored combatant, then, with three out of three victories," said Charles. "Let's go to Greg."

"I actually have something else important," said Conlan. "Both are jokers, but Mr. 2 is a true metamorph, unlike Bo-Bobo, who's the world's biggest pretender, so Mr. 2 wins one out of four."

"Interesting," said Greg. "The first thing is that I'm grateful to Charles for giving me a raise, which I needed badly. Now, then, I am here with Mr. 2 Bon Clay, employee of Mr. 0 Sir Crocodile of Baroque Works and one of the freakiest characters from _One Piece._ So, tell me, Mr. 2, do you think you have the skills to defeat Bo-Bobo in a crushing victory today?"

"Of COOOOOOURSE!" Mr. 2 shouted. "I am the motherfuckin' SWAN! Don't tell me otherwise, pretty boy!"

"Yeah," said Greg. He took a huge step away from Mr. 2. "By the way, you were supposed to kill Mr. 3. Why haven't you done that yet?"

"I don't know," said Mr. 2 wearing Mr. 3's face. "Let's see, there's the fact that Mr. 3 is a genius while I'm a total dumbfuck who barely knows which way is up."

"And there you have it," said Greg. "Mr. 2 Bon Clay, everybody."

"And it looks like Bo-bobo is entering the ring now," said Charles. Everyone turned to the stadium door. Bo-bobo came in as a sumo wrestler.

"I'm here for the sumo!" Bo-bobo shouted. He stomped on the ground. "Bow down before the sumo king! That's me! Me! ME!"

"Great!" shouted Will. "Now get in the ring!"

Bo-bobo tried to climb into the ring, but ended up somehow getting tangled in the ropes and falling. He managed his way to his feet and tried again, but failed again.

"The fight can't officially begin until both contestants are in the ring," said Justin, "But neither contestant has reached the ring."

"Then I'LL begin the fight!" Mr. 2 shouted. He pirouetted forward and kicked Bo-bobo in the shins repeatedly. "TAAAAAAAAAKE! This! And this! AndthisandthisandthisandthisandTHAT!" He finished the combo with a punch in the stomach, sending Bo-bobo into the ropes.

"That maneuver might be a mistake!" Charles called. Bo-bobo ended up rocketing back and falling on Mr. 2. He got up and suddenly became regular Bo-bobo.

"I need to see if it's really over," said Will. He walked up to the flat male ballerina, only to get kicked at three times. "It's not over."

"Oh, you're the ref man," said Mr. 2. He touched Will's face, getting his hand slapped away in the process. "Oh, you're FEISTY! I like that! I'll give myself a vagina after the fight so we can..."

"Hell no!" Will shouted. "Now fight!"

"You wouldn't hurt the ref, would you?" Mr. 2 walked up to Bo-bobo wearing Will's face.

"You wouldn't hurt the ref, would you?" Bo-bobo parroted. He was wearing Mr. 2's outfit and a mask of Will's face. "No, I wouldn't hurt myself."

"Wait a minute," said Justin. "Who the hell is who?"

"I think the one in the mask might be Bo-bobo," said Charles. "Mr. 2 doesn't need masks. On the other hand, he's wearing that stupid-ass outfit, but then again, they both are. Crap. Who is who?"

"I am a SWAN!" Mr. 2 shouted. He put on his swan toe-tips and turned back into himself. He lunged at Bo-bobo, who had turned into a high school girl.

"Oh, no, Mr. Swan, don't hurt me!" Bo-bobo said in a high feminine voice. "I'm too pretty for you to kill me!"

"You are dead, dead, DEAD!" Mr. 2 screamed as he punched Bo-bobo in the face repeatedly. "Suffer my WRATH, pretty she-male!"

"Mr. 2 is certainly full of insults," said Charles. "It would be scary if he had Tourette's."

"Desperate times call for desperation," Bo-bobo decided as he went back to his regular form. He took his famous pose. "Super Fist of the Nose Hair!" He put on a blue unitard and arm cannon, charged, and fired. "Obvious Ripoff of Megaman!"

"That might do it!" called Justin. "Mr. 2 is still alive, but he's beaten heavily!"

"Time for some Mascara Boomerangs!" Mr. 2 threw his mascara, cutting Bo-bobo across the midsection. An alien larva crawled out of the wound, and Bo-bobo fell to the ground and died.

"Mr. 2 is the winner!" Will shouted.

"No," Bo-bobo whispered. "No. Mr. 2, I'm not dead. You have to come back here and finish me."

"Okay," said Mr. 2. "Never done it with a dying man before."

"Parents, please cover your children's eyes," said Charles. Bo-bobo turned into Mario and grabbed Mr. 2 with his nose hair. "Never mind."

"Here we go!" Bo-bobo shouted trying to imitate Mario's voice. "Super Fist of the Nose Hair! Nose Hair 64!" He swung Mr. 2 around thirty times and threw him straight at the wall. Mr. 2 hit the wall hard and went through, out into the lobby.

"I think he's dead!" Will shouted. He ran over to the body and checked. "Yep. He's dead. Bo-bobo's the winner!"

"Oh yeah!" Bo-bobo shouted. "I have to thank my energy drink!" He held up a bottle of liquid Tylenol and poured it down his throat. He reached into his afro and pulled out a bag of cocaine and ate it. "Yipee!"

"Okay, that wasn't as weird as I thought it would be," said Justin.

"It was weird enough for me," said Charles. "That's all your time we'll waste today. Tune in tomorrow when two old masters beat the shit out of each other!"

* * *

The next fight will be Ol' Pervy Bastards. Guess who. Review this now that you have read it.


	7. Ol' Pervy Bastards

This is Ol' Pervy Bastards. If you can think of two of the anime world's most famous old pervy teachers (keep in mind that I am a somewhat lazy American), you'll know who's in the fight.

* * *

"Welcome, ACDM fans!" Charles said. "We are here tonight with Two Ol' Pervy Bastards."

"Personally, I thought having one of him was bad enough," said Justin.

"Justin, I said Ol' _Pervy _Bastards," Charles corrected. "Kame Sen'nin of _Dragonball _is known for his huge...thing (for lack of a better word) for Bulma, as well as Launch, and any other pretty girl that I should be doing."

"And Jiraiya from _Naruto _is no better," said Justin. "He writes the well-acclaimed series _Make-Out Paradise_, something of which Kakashi is a huge fan. And I can see why." Justin put his feet up on the table in the booth and read his porno novel.

"Um, Justin," said Charles, "Is it just me, or do you have incredibly low standards for porn?"

"You're the one who reads yaoi with amputees and paraplegics."

"Well, I've seen the videos in your room, Mr. I-Like-Hentai-That-Has-Shemales-Who-Look-Like-David-Spade."

"Hey, ugly she-males need love, too."

"Well, at least I don't have a goldenshower fetish, R. Kelly."

The two stared at each other for a bit, the heat rising, then going back down as the cameras went to ringside. Nobody noticed Greg's interview with Jiraiya because they were paying attention to Charles and Justin's argument, trying to get dirt for celebrity gossip mags. Jiraiya and Kame Sen'nin met in the center of the ring.

"All right," said Will. "Kame Sen'nin, keep your power level below 9 000. Jiraiya, keep your ugly-ass amphibians the hell away from me. Now get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!"

"Okay, Jiraiya," Kame Sen'nin challenged. "First, I'm gonna kick your ass. Then I'm gonna do your momma!"

"No way, Kame Sen'nin," said Jiraiya. "I'm gonna kick your ass, then I'll do your momma and your sister!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good luck getting it up, then."

"Same to you. Fortunately, I know a Potency Jutsu, so I never have to waste money on Viagra."

"I don't use Viagra. I'm a Levitra man!"

"This fight is turning into a discussion of the penises of old men," said Justin.

"Indeed," said Charles. "That's boring except for the fact that it's strangely arousing."

"What?" Justin asked.

"Nothing," Charles answered. "It looks like Kame Sen'nin draws first blood by punching Jiraiya in the nose!"

"That wasn't fair," whined Jiraiya, "Going for my nose like that."

"You're right," Kame Sen'nin. "With a nose like yours, I just hit you below the belt." He punched Jiraiya in the gut, following it with a series of rapid punches and kicks that sent Jiraiya flying into the ringpost.

"Ouch," thought Jiraiya. "I know this guy's tough, but how can I hurt him? I've got it!" He blew a stream of fire that missed Kame Sen'nin, but hit a woman in the audience, causing her to burn. Jiraiya ran up, grabbed her, and threw her at Kame Sen'nin. "She's hot for you!"

"I see!" Kame Sen'nin said. He jumped out of her way and threw a microwave at Jiraiya, who dodged and threw a park bench.

"That'll buy me time," Jiraiya said as he started making the hand signs. "Summoning Jutsu!"

"Don't try it," said Kame Sen'nin. He shot Jiraiya with a blast that put a hole through his chest.

"Too late," Jiraiya said with a smile. He got up from the spot where he was standing. "I had a summoning jutsu ready before the fight." The toad appeared and shot out its tongue. Kame Sen'nin was caught on the end of it as he was pulled into the toad's mouth and eaten. The toad disappeared and Will raised Jiraiya's hand.

"The winner is Jiraiya!" Will announced to the cheering crowd.

"And I don't have a mess to clean up!" CJ said. "My favorite fight already."

"That was a little disappointing," said Charles, "But there's more tomorrow. Till then, this was ACDM, I'm Charles Tolle, and you're awesome."

* * *

Read and review. I'll make the next one.


	8. Random Superheroes

Time for some fun with two Random Superheroes. I own neither character, nor do I own the guest host.

* * *

"Welcome to ACDM!" Charles announced happily. "It's time for a fight between two random superheroes. Sadly, my partner Justin is out today, so his role will be filled by Urahara Kisuke of _Bleach _fame. I tried to get Christopher Walken, but he hasn't had his daily allotment of cowbell. Welcome, Kisuke."

"Yeah, I'm glad to be here," said Kisuke. "The popcorn and hotdogs are amazing here." He took out his hotdog from the wrapper and took a bite. He scrunched up his face as he chewed. "Now the hotdog tastes funny."

"Oh, yeah, I should have warned you. Don't eat the hotdogs after 5 in the morning. Now to the fight. Tonight's contestants are the two zaniest, most off the wall, mind warping good guys. Bo-bobo, and the Mask!"

"He means Ipkiss," said Urahara, "Not that knock-off Jamie Kennedy."

"It wasn't as good as the first," said Charles, "But it wasn't that bad. Let's go down to Greg."

"I'm here with neither combatant," said Greg, "Because I interviewed them while you were introducing Pothead up there, so I sent them to the ring."

"Then let's go to the ring," said Charles, "Where Will..."

"Fight's over," said Will. "You just missed it. Ipkiss shot Bo-bobo with a bazooka."

"Roll the lost footage," said Charles.

_kghkghttt!!!!!!!_

"Fight!" Will shouted.

"Okay!" Bo-bobo said. "Super Fist of the Nose Hair! Bo-bo Gadget Stapler!" He turned into a stapler and stapled the Mask's coat to his arm. "That'll teach you to make fun of my glasses!"

"Au contraire, Monsieur Bo-bobo," the Mask said as he pulled out a bazooka and blasted Bo-bobo.

"We have a winner," said Will.

_kghkghttt!!!!!!!!!!_

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Charles. "That's not a fight at all. That wasn't even a few seconds."

"Well, it's over for tonight," said Will. "That's all I'm going to say. And Conlan just cleaned up the blood."

"Dammit," said Charles. "Hey, Kisuke, would you mind entertaining the fans?"

"Yes," said Kisuke. "They threw sodas at me when I tried to do some standup earlier this evening, so I think that I would mind entertaining the fans very much."

"Well, we can't end the evening now," said Charles.

"The timing around here got all messed up, but this was started before we had the thirty minute block, so I don't see the need to continue," said Will.

"That's all for tonight," said Greg. "See you tomorrow."

"We can't end ACDM now," said Charles. "Look, there's no real time block, but we're nearing the average end time, so we have to think of something fast."

"Ooh, I have an idea," said Conlan.

"Hurry and put it into motion," said Charles. "Time's almost up."

"Time is up," said Conlan. "Sorry."

"Dammit!" Charles screamed. "Kisuke, I'm blaming this on you for no apparent reason. I don't care if you're not my employee! Your ass is fired! Get out of my sight!"

"I never wanted to work here anyway," Kisuke muttered.

"We'll have a better fight tomorrow," said Charles. "Turn those cameras off NOW."

* * *

Yes, this was partially for a curveball and partially because I was too lazy to write a real fight. The next one will be better, but certainly not worse.


	9. Filler Fight I

Time for a realer fight. I own neither character. I call it a filler fight because the original fight idea I had here I later decided was not that good, so I came up with a new one.

Filler Fight 1

* * *

"Welcome to ACDM!" Charles announced happily. "It's time for a fight between two villains. They are exactly the same, except one is owned by Marvel and the other is owned by DC. Lex Luthor and Kingpin are just the same, except one's fat and the other is on his way."

"Really?" said Justin. "Wow. I thought Lex Luthor was skinny."

"Well, he's not as fat as Kingpin," said Charles. "So let's go down to Greg, who's standing there with Kingpin."

"I'm here with Kingpin," said Greg. "My only question for you is how you felt about that movie?"

"Well, I did feel honored to be played by Michael Clarke Duncan," said Kingpin, "But that's somewhat inaccurate. And Matt was pretty upset when he found out that he was played by Ben Affleck."

"I meant the movie about the bowler."

"Oh, that one. Not a fan."

"That answers my question," said Greg. "Charles, Justin, back to you two."

"Okay," said Justin. And here comes Lex Luthor now all suited up. I think we can take this to the ring."

"To the ring," said Charles. "Will, you know what to do."

"Okay," said Will. "I want a good clean fight. And I mean it, because it's Conlan's day off, and I don't want to have to clean up the mess you'll make. Get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!"

"Okay," said Kingpin. "I brought some things with me when I heard I'd be needed tonight."

"What's that?" Lex Luthor asked before he grabbed Kingpin's head and slammed it to the mat. "Good thing Jax and Sub-Zero taught me some of their fighting tricks."

"Still though," said Charles, "Crossing over with Midway was the worst decision DC ever made since letting Tim Burton direct the first Batman movies."

"But they were good," said Justin.

"Yeah, but anything with Tim Burton attached to it has Tim Burton's stench on it."

"Before we do anything else," said Kingpin between head slammings, "Why don't we shut those two up?"

"Good idea," said Lex Luthor. He aimed a rocket at the announcer's booth. Charles pulled out his remote and hit a button that fired a counteracting rocket.

"I'm teaming up with this man," said Kingpin. He shook Lex Luthor's hand and they charged the announcer's booth.

"You can't do that!" Will shouted as he ran to them. The two combatants pointed guns at him. "Do what you want."

"Some fight you put up!" Charles said. "Great, Justin. We'll have to do this."

"Yup," said Justin. He hit a button and the announcer's booth fell on the two men. The four parties crawled from the wreckage. Charles got behind Lex Luthor and Justin got behind Kingpin.

"Chip implanted," said Charles. "Same?"

"Yeah," said Justin. They stepped away and took out their remotes. They then made the two combatants walk to the ring.

"Time for a battle!" Charles shouted with glee. He and Justin made Lex Luthor and Kingpin fight each other as robotic dummies. "This is so fun!"

"Hey, watch out!" Justin said as he made Kingpin shoot Lex Luthor in the hand. "That's one in your hand, this one's for your head!"

"No way!" Charles made Lex Luthor pick up Kingpin and throw him into the audience. However, this action caused the chip to fall off.

"Here's a fight," said Kingpin. "Hey, Lex! Have you ever played Armageddon?" He kicked Lex Luthor in the crotch, broke his arm, ripped off a leg, then finally grabbed Lex Luthor's head and twisted it the wrong way before pulling it off and taking the spine with it.

"Kingpin wins!" said Will. "With a Cheap Fatality!"

"That's all for tonight," said Charles. "We'll have another one tomorrow, you know. In the meantime, Incubus will keep you entertained until we are ready for the next event of tonight."

"Incubus left," said Greg.

"Dammit," said Charles. "Oh, well. Bring in the backup act."

"Who's that?" asked Justin.

"Travis Barker and Jack White."

"Oh, shit, we are doomed."

* * *

Sorry it took so long. The next one might be better, or maybe not.


End file.
